I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
