I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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