im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
