rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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