she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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