So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
