Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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