well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
