Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
