I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
