I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
