8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
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