if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
