i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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