Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
