Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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