cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
