the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
