Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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