I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
