you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
