Already got asked if we're dating
I think I am morally bankrupt
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
