We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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