Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
