today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
