I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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