Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
