what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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