Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
