HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
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