Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
