I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
