dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I think I sprained my soul last night
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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