You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
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Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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