don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
he quoted the bible to break up with me
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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