I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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