so that wasnt chicken after all
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
