I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
