i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Enjoy the penises
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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