no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
my poor anus
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
