so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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