My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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