dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
