Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
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