I got chris browned last night
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize
