They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
