i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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