Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
