I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
