Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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