Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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