roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
