woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
