we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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