i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Brb crying the tears of my youth
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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