I wanna bring you to show and tell
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
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