Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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