some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
