She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
