omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
The air was thick with penises
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
