I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
