Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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