where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
dude i'm inner monologue high
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
