I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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