Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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