so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
