how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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