I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize